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Month: March 2011

Crappy self-talk

Crappy self-talk

I’m back in that horrible headspace (do I even LEAVE it anymore?) where I’m utterly convinced my career is over before it even began and anything I try to write will be just wasted time and completely suck and I should take up knitting instead because I’m never, ever going to write anything anyone will buy ever again as long as I live.

This, of course, is tiring and toxic, and not what any of you need to hear any more of, because frankly I’m in this space WAY TOO OFTEN.

Jeremy figures I need to just start writing. I know from past experience that he’s right, and after two or three days it won’t be so hard anymore. Ken assures me that he, too, still experiences this, and that guy’s stories sell like gangbusters. (What is a gangbuster, I wonder, and why do I want one?)

So yeah, last night was kind of a writing night, but not really. I’m exactly the kind of writer I hate most right now: the kind who whines about failure but doesn’t actually write.

Tonight’s a Lightspeed night. We’ll see what tomorrow is.

Back from AggieCon

Back from AggieCon

Greetings, sorely neglected blog and blog readers! I have returned from an adventure in Texas, in the form of AggieCon 42.

If you haven’t heard of AggieCon, it’s a convention that’s been held for the past forty-two years by Cepheid Variable, a student group of scifi fans at Texas A&M. In years past it has been largely literary, and John was invited as a Guest of Honor. This being the 42nd AggieCon, they did a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy theme, which was cool–the main auditorium was called the “Deep Thought Audience Chamber”; the panel rooms were things like “A Pot of Petunias” and “A Small Planet Somewhere in the Vicinity of Betelgeuse.”

My experience of the con was mostly limited to the panels John was on and the dealer’s room, where he was stationed for book signings. I actually gave my first reading during one of his panels, since he wanted to feature something from The Way of the Wizard. I was a nervous wreck and didn’t stop shaking for a good five minutes afterward. I think I blew most of the dialog and clearly need a LOT of practice before my next reading in Portland next month. (I wonder why it’s easier for me to read other people’s work aloud than it is to read my own? You’d think it would be easier, since I know what they’re supposed to sound like, but getting myself to sound like them is a skill I need to work on.) Unfortunately this year the focus seemed to be largely on cosplay and gaming, with very little turnout to the reading/writing related panels. I managed to escape the dealer’s room with only a few new dice–a challenge, because there were some seriously lovely things in there!

After 15 hours, five airplanes, and two cars, John and I finally made it home last night. (It was five planes between us; we had to travel separately, so he had two planes, and I had three.) I’m still exhausted today and trying to get caught up on all manner of things. I’ll be glad to not have anywhere to go for a few weeks!

The best part of the con for me was meeting new people, both the guests and the students of Cepheid Variable. Many thanks in particular to Veronica for her hospitality, and big hugs to Stina (whose book you should totally buy) for hanging out and being awesome.