This is not at all about writing.

This is not at all about writing.

It occurred to me today that I may be deeply dense when it comes to certain things.

I think of myself as utterly forgettable. Yes, even with pink hair and the nearly super-human ability to make an ass of myself at the worst possible moment.

And I think that if people I don’t know well are nice to me it’s because they are exceptionally kind and tolerant people. I think very highly of them for it. I consider them polite, poised, and confident, and judge them as having conducted themselves with inscrutable etiquette in the face of my opinions/jokes/small talk/questions. I assume that once we’ve parted they either dismiss me with an indulgent chuckle or forget about me entirely. I am not hurt by this idea. Usually I just hope that I haven’t come across as obnoxious and that they don’t actively dislike me.

Maybe I hope that I’m forgettable.

I remember them because they made an impact, but I assume they forget me. Clearly there is something wrong with my thinking.

I’m nice to people I meet, too – sometimes because I’m being polite, but I generally don’t talk to anyone for an hour without thinking they are interesting and/or awesome.

It just doesn’t occur to me that they may be talking to me for an hour because they think I’m interesting and/or awesome.

I seem to need to be beaten over the head before that occurs to me, sometimes for months, and when it finally does I am utterly astonished, both that it could be true and that I didn’t think of it before. It wasn’t just a nice thing to say, the thing that person said to me, they actually meant it.

I really try to avoid this kind of post on the blog these days, but this was such a revelation, and I thought someone else out there might relate to it.

2 thoughts on “This is not at all about writing.

  1. I think our brains might be related.
    I usually come away from encounters with awesome people either hoping I didn’t annoy them too much or absolutely baffled by any compliments they may have paid me. This post is actually really awesome and helpful, because if my older sister, who is way talented and one of the more interesting/awesome people I know, thinks this way, then maybe there is hope for me. Yay self-esteem boost :)

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