I have been back and forth on this so many times over the past six months that I’ve made myself dizzy. I’ve wanted to apply for years, but I suffer from an acute case of Cart-Horse Inversion Syndrome. All I could think of were the problems I would have to overcome if I were accepted. My kids, my job, the price of tuition and travel — they seemed insurmountable.
Then a few months ago I had a momentary remission of CHIS, and I experienced a moment of Fuck It I’m Applying Anyway. That stuck for a while, until life changed dramatically, as life often will, and that list of insurmountables got longer. It now includes my pets, rent on an empty house, and the protection thereof. I resigned myself to waiting another year.
Adam and John, however, have urged me to just apply and see what happens. They’re just problems; they get solved. There’s plenty of time to solve them between now and then. No need to put the cart before the horse.
So I’m going for it. My priority is Clarion in San Diego, but if I have time and the additional application fee I will apply to Clarion West as well. I know what my submission pieces are going to be, and I will spend the next month getting them as shiny as I possibly can with the help of my writers group and friends.
This is the real marathon that NaNoWriMo was training me for. This is a real goal, with real stakes, and potentially a real pay-off. I need to put everything I have into it, because a goal like this deserves nothing less.