It occurred to me today that I may be deeply dense when it comes to certain things.
I think of myself as utterly forgettable. Yes, even with pink hair and the nearly super-human ability to make an ass of myself at the worst possible moment.
And I think that if people I don’t know well are nice to me it’s because they are exceptionally kind and tolerant people. I think very highly of them for it. I consider them polite, poised, and confident, and judge them as having conducted themselves with inscrutable etiquette in the face of my opinions/jokes/small talk/questions. I assume that once we’ve parted they either dismiss me with an indulgent chuckle or forget about me entirely. I am not hurt by this idea. Usually I just hope that I haven’t come across as obnoxious and that they don’t actively dislike me.
Maybe I hope that I’m forgettable.
I remember them because they made an impact, but I assume they forget me. Clearly there is something wrong with my thinking.
I’m nice to people I meet, too – sometimes because I’m being polite, but I generally don’t talk to anyone for an hour without thinking they are interesting and/or awesome.
It just doesn’t occur to me that they may be talking to me for an hour because they think I’m interesting and/or awesome.
I seem to need to be beaten over the head before that occurs to me, sometimes for months, and when it finally does I am utterly astonished, both that it could be true and that I didn’t think of it before. It wasn’t just a nice thing to say, the thing that person said to me, they actually meant it.
I really try to avoid this kind of post on the blog these days, but this was such a revelation, and I thought someone else out there might relate to it.