Congratulations to Jaym Gates and Natania Barron on the occasion of this, their first co-edited issue of Crossed Genres. Publishers Bart Leib and Kay Holt handed over the reins to Jaym and Natania a few months ago, and here it is: the “Celebration” issue.

I am delighted to have a story in this issue and to be among the first of Jaym and Natania’s Crossed Genre authors.

Cheers! There is much to celebrate. :)

Happy New Year! To me, anyway. I track my goals from birthday/WFC to birthday/WFC, so this post is really three weeks overdue.

I met a lot of my goals last year. Not all, but that’s okay, because there were some things that I accomplished that I would never have thought to dream up as a goal, like becoming Assistant Editor at Lightspeed. That, and of course my first sale, were certainly the career high points for me.

My goals last year were pretty ambitious–I had planned two novels, twelve stories, and any number of other things. Over the years much of this blog has been focused on figuring out how I work, and last year I think I finally got it. Here’s some of what I think I’ve learned:

• It’s not about fast word count for me anymore. I do not produce quality work quickly. It takes me a really long time–usually months–to work out the kinks in a story and make sure that the world it’s set in is internally consistent. This is okay. When I take the time to do that, I can produce professional quality work. When I don’t, I collect rejections.
• I keep trying to write novels based on ideas instead of on characters functioning in a world where I understand the rules, and I keep failing. I need to understand the people and place before I throw them into a story.
• I love being a part of Lightspeed. I’m having to give up a lot of commitments lately, but Lightspeed won’t be one of them.

So with all of this in mind, my goals this year are not nearly as lofty as they were last year.

• Submit one new short story per quarter. That means producing one from start to finish over a period of about six months. I currently have two short stories in progress, one of which might be done by the end of the year, the other probably in the middle of February.
• Complete research, world-building and character development for the next novel, tentatively titled Temperance. I have a notebook and I’m not afraid to fill it. In fact, I’m not allowing myself to start writing the novel until that notebook is full. I’m giving myself three months to do that. I’ve been brainstorming, scouting locations, taking pictures, going to the library, doing a lot of research online, and I feel like I’m off to a good start.
• Write the first draft of Temperance.
• Apply to Taos Toolbox. Applications open in just a couple of weeks. The shift toward noveling and John’s suggestion made me consider Taos as possibly the best move for me right now, since they focus on novels. I might be aiming too high, and we’ll get a repeat of last year where I apply and am not accepted, but I’m going to try.
• Make a first revision pass at Temperance (with luck, I’ll have workshopped it at Taos. Tentacles crossed.)
• Keep up with Lightspeed, and help John with a couple of other projects he has lined up

I have to leave some room to write that collaborative novel I was talking about a couple of months ago; the timing hasn’t been right for my collaborator yet, so it’s on the back burner for now. I think these other things are loose enough that I can fit it in whenever their schedule frees up.

So that’s it. Four short stories, a novel, and some assorted minioning. I think that’s pretty attainable. A year seems like a long time, but the past year has flown by so quickly I fully expect that the next one will, too.

Hopefully I’ll look up this time next year and be as satisfied with my progress as I am at this moment. (Who am I kidding, though, right? There will soon be another angst-filled mopey post about what a loser I am. Seems to come with the territory.)

How are your goals coming?

That was the subject of the email that I got from Sean Wallace last night, which I read on my phone while out to dinner with John and the kids. Huh, I thought, how’d I end up on Sean’s mailing list? So I read it, and promptly dropped my phone like it was on fire. I couldn’t speak well enough to explain to the kids what had just happened, so John handed the phone over for them so they could read it themselves.

“The Magician and the Maid and Other Stories” (which you can read here) has been selected for inclusion in Rich Horton’s Year’s Best Science Fiction and Fantasy.

Color me grateful, and gobsmacked. Thanks so much to those who helped me with that story, particularly Danni (best non-writer beta reader in the world), Wendy, my other fellow Inkpunks, and of course my then-editor, John.

(Holy shit.)

…it’s been a month since I posted. Again. Sorry. There’s been a lot going on. LET’S RECAP, shall we?

My friends started up a group blog aimed at early-career writers. We’re posting on Tuesdays and Fridays, (I think–I’m not the organized one in the group, that’s for damn sure) and taking it in turn. I’m lucky to be part of such a talented, energetic, and encouraging group of people.

The Way of the Wizard site launched. My story and an interview are both available to read free at the site.

World Fantasy Convention has come and gone. It was amazing, in so many ways–John wrangled my family and friends and conspired to throw me a surprise birthday dinner almost immediately after we arrived in Columbus, which was epic. Again, so very grateful to be associated with such kind, creative people. (Thanks to John Remy for taking pictures! I have no presence of mind in those situations.)

I would totally name all of the awesome people I got to see, meet, and hang out with at WFC, but I know I would miss someone hugely important and then I would feel terrible and end up updating this post a hundred times, and nobody wants that.

After a weekend of fellowship, literature, gourmet icecream and way too many of some kind of raspberry-lemon cocktail, I returned to the day job and the sense of total loserdom, having been exposed to so many brilliant and successful writers. That slump lasted most of the week. It ended (briefly, I’m sure) this morning, when I sold another story.

I KNOW. I couldn’t believe it either.

So my story “The Gift” will appear next month in Crossed Genres, which is now edited by the lovely Jaym Gates.

National Novel Writing Month is underway, and I’ve been half-heartedly trying to participate. I’m about 7000 words behind right now, but who knows–with the holiday weekend I might be able to turn it around. Tomorrow is Research Day (which will include the library, chocolate, and possibly sushi. FOR MY ART.)

So that’s the oh-so-tough life of this writer these past few weeks. Enough with the updatery–there’s work to be done.

Wow. A LOT is happening today.

First off, my friends Jaym Gates and Erika Holt put together an anthology of zombie erotica–yes, zombie erotica–called Rigor Amortis, which launched today amid much fanfare and celebration from fans of the undead smut genre (which they may have just invented.) I ordered my copy; you can do the same right here. I have SO MANY friends in this book, and I love seeing their names in the TOC. What an awesome project.

Secondly, today is the launch of a group blog that I’m a part of, called Inkpunks. Go check it out. We’ll be posting Tuesdays and Thursdays on a rotating basis (I think my first post is the middle of October.) Sandra explains it best in our inaugural post. I hope you’ll find the site fun and useful.

io9 announced today that they will be hosting the Geek’s Guide to the Galaxy, and the first episode of the podcast’s new life will feature an interview with none other than George R.R. Martin. I passed the podtern torch on to Aidan Moher a while ago, which was sad for me, but as GGG is now a sponsored podcast I get to stay involved a little bit by recording the ad spots for them.

Lastly, I learned today that ARCs of Way of the Wizard are out in the world. People are reading it. Unfortunately it was probably printed off the uncorrected proof, in which my story had some fairly major formatting issues, but c’est la vie. I got the final corrected proof today and it looks beautiful. The official release date is still November, but it sounds like it will be available at WFC at the end of October.

Whew! That’s a lot of news. It was a great day for a whole lot of people I adore. Congratulations to all of Rigor Amorticians! I’m proud to know you and have loved watching the book climb the Amazon Horror chart today (#41 last I heard! Amazing.)

It’s been a week since my meltdown, and I think I’ve mostly pulled myself together with the help of friends and family. Thank you again. You know who you are.

I’ve been taking it easy, adding things back to my to-do list a little at a time. It was good that I had work that wasn’t my own to do for a few days–there was Lightspeed work, and Geek’s Guide work (new role, which I’ll blog about later), and StarShipSofa work. Being of service gave me a little bit of breathing room to collect myself and get some perspective.

Next I went through my “Inactive” folder. I have two folders for short stories, one (“Active”) for stuff I’m actually working on, and the other for stuff I’m not. Inactive stuff may be nothing but a hastily typed idea that I thought was interesting enough to warrant a working title, or it may be a completed draft of a story I lost interest in before I got around to revising it. The Inactive folder has a LOT in it. I went through all of it, and found three things that seemed like they might be fun to work on, and elevated them to Active. One was a nearly-complete draft, which I finished in a hurry and sent out for critique, and two were barely-formed ideas that just need words.

Finally I started rereading my favorite book on writing, Ray Bradbury’s “Zen in the Art of Writing.” There is absolutely nothing about technique in this book, no lectures on the use of adverbs or point of view or structure or pace. It’s just a series of pep talks; it’s Ray telling us that he did it and so can we, and reminding us that we’re in it for the love of it. He talks about identifying our loves and our fears, and tells us what he did with those things, and invites us to do them too. It’s like a hug in book form, and it has helped a lot.

So it’s sort of back-to-basics time for me. Back to things like word count and first drafts and being unafraid to suck. I learned in a different chapter of my life that sometimes we have to treat ourselves like bare beginners, and set our expectations back to zero–not with a sense of defeat, just in an effort to be gentle with ourselves. For now I’m treating myself like I would treat someone who has just started this journey, when the only thing you can really do is wave your pom-poms and say “Just keep writing! Forget about outcomes. Don’t worry about whether it will ever sell, don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. Ignore your Inner Editor, and just write full steam ahead. Write for the love of it. Write, because you know you can’t do otherwise.”

“Is there someone in your life who doesn’t believe in you? Get rid of them!” – Ray Bradbury

After your emails, your comments, your chats, and a lengthy conversation with my significant other, I have concluded the following:

1. I am not alone. Not even close.
2. I have set a very high bar for myself, and thus it will take me longer to clear it. I am not willing to lower it, so I’m just going to have to suck it up.
3. There is absolutely no substitute for family and friends who believe in you.

It was hard to post that stuff–I despise self-pity in myself as much as in others, and it was hard to hang that out here. The fact that so many people emailed to say that they got it, they relate, and in a couple of cases, to thank me for posting it totally made it worth it.

Thank you.

So, wow, that was an interesting little train wreck yesterday. I’m not entirely sure what brought that on, apart from the cumulative wear the entry describes. The meltdown started at about 11:00 a.m. and it seemed like I did an emotional swan dive that lasted until 1:30 this morning, when I finally passed out on my office sofa.

Today I woke up feeling a little bit better. Not ready to get back on the horse, exactly, but also not in total despair. The idea of working on a story makes me cringe, but not cry. This is progress.

I think today–just for today–I’m just going to be a mom and an Assistant Editor. I assume I am going to get past this. Maybe tomorrow I’ll want to be a writer again. But not today.

There are hard days. I seem to be having a lot of them lately.

There are days–and mind you, I’ve racked up more than eight years of them now–when another day without a sale is like another pass of sandpaper over my skin, another ounce of stone added to the weight on my back; another day, proof positive, that I am not good enough.

In eight years only one day has not been a day like that.

It was okay for the first four years. I expected it. Years five, six and seven were less easy, but still, I was learning everything I could from anyone who would teach me. I was working hard and I was sure I’d get there some day soon. This year has been the hardest, partly because of that one day that was the exception, but also because I’ve got to know so many other writers who have been successful–sooner, and more often. I have friends who have achieved in a year or two what I’ve been working at for almost a decade. Hell, I know someone who sold their very first submission this week. First. Submission. Ever. Sold.

I am surrounded by success right now, and there are days when it is almost more than I can handle. Almost.

Jeremy posted about the value of stubbornness today. Go read it. He’s right. I know he’s right, I know that’s the quality that I need, and it’s the one that got me this far. I mean, who does this for eight years without a serious stubborn streak? It’s in me, no question. Right now I don’t feel stubborn, I feel weak and and broken and completely alone in my failure.

I try to remember Jay Lake’s words on the subject. I try to remember that this is normal. I try to convince myself that I just have to put one word after the other for a little while longer.

Today I am not convinced.

From Married to the Sea, via my girl Paula: